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Capturevating

A weird, new Christmas trend was started some time back through an advertisement by Capturevating, a bit of a break out company offering Christmas lights. Through a very successful ad campaign, they suggested that people decorate themselves instead of a tree to demonstrate how the bulbs never became hot, and it took off much better than anyone could’ve predicted. Everyone who had some sort of social media page decorated themselves, but then people started doing it without clothing. Why not? The bulbs didn’t put off heat. There was no reason not to. In fact, they actually felt pretty good.

Years later it was all but common knowledge that Capturevating had designed the bulbs to do more than simply diffuse heat. Ever since their inception the insidious invention was made with the specific intention of giving people tactile pleasure akin to the endorphin release of sex, and society had become shaped by this subversive device. Only the most impoverished or vulgar rebels of society were without the decadent lights, clinging to their archaic clothes instead of being luminously nude.

They argued that the Capturevating company had seized most of the capitalist market, influencing social policy, and ruling our daily lives, but it was assumed that they simply couldn’t comprehend the detrimental withdrawals shedding the euphoric light caused, nor could they truly understand the sensual pleasure the lights constantly gave. If one was to argue with a dissenter for long enough, though, they’d often come around after basking in the beautiful, colorful lights for long enough.

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